Week 1: Baby Steps

"With me, it's all or nothing...is it all or nothing with you?" - Oklahoma!

I hate, hate, hate to fail.

There is nothing in the world that I hate more.

And to be absolutely truthful, it doesn't happen often. Once I decide that I'm going to do something, I usually find a way to get it done. Call it a 'competitive edge', OCD, or just a sheer drive to accomplish, I strive on out performing myself at every opportunity I get.

For the most part, this trait has served me rather well. I've achieved great things, and sometimes it feels like I've lived three lives in my thirty-two years on the planet.

BUT...

I'm also prone to quitting.

If I can't do something 'right' (ie: perfectly) within an acceptable timeframe (ie: immediately), I lose my drive and decide that I don't want to do it anymore.

This is probably my worst quality.

Without my drive, I am genuinely incapable of following through with a project. I give up, often having barely even given myself a chance to learn how to do it properly.

I've been experiencing a whack load of drive issues lately, especially with my goals.

I'm starting to accept that I set too many goals for myself, too fast. I can't make the kind of dramatic life changes that I need to make overnight, and that means learning how to take baby steps.

I've been thinking about giving up on the whole thing: the blog, the cleaning goals, the fitness challenge, my new routine with the kids...just walk away and pretend I never started.

You can't fail at things if you never start them in the first place.

But I'm not going to do that. I'm going to force myself to confront this beast- my own fears and insecurities- and I'm going to teach myself how to work towards something, slowly but surely. 

There will be no overnight success. There will be no gold medal at the end. And it will never be perfect. (Truthfully, can anyone with two kids under 3 ever actually have a perfect house, routine or healthy lifestyle? I think not.)

BUT- I will feel better about myself because I will grow and accomplish things, one at a time. And I'll learn to breathe. And I'll learn that it's ok if I fall short on my goals once or twice, or even daily.

Every small step is a step in the right direction.

So take a deep breath, and get back to it.

Areas I'm rocking: I've been awesome about my activity levels- I'm running 3X per week, and am doing moderate activities like walking every day. I am also really getting a hang of the cleaning schedule. I'm making steps towards implementing my face to face and creative time with Sammie- he's been sick so hasn't been as easy to engage, and I'm also spending lots of quality time with Charlie.

Area I need to work on: More one on one with Sammie during the day time. I need to find a way to better balance my cleaning schedule with spending time with him.  Also, I'm not doing 'great' at the eating breakfast goal...I definitely need to work on that one.

TO DO LIST: 

• Print off and laminate daily schedules so I can track my progress
• Clean out the small vacuum cleaner so that I can do quick sweeps daily, and then one deep clean with the central vac per week. 
• Find time this weekend to clean the bedroom so that I have a "clean slate" to start with for next week.