Regroup.

Life has thrown me some curve balls lately, so I'm having to rethink my goals for the next little while. I need to cut myself some slack, admit that I'm in over my head, and focus on the things that are really important.

1- Sam: We're going gluten-free and really trying to focus on addressing his ongoing health concerns. That's a huge commitment that requires several hours a day of research, learning and application. I'm also doing his Early Intervention goals and really working on stimulating him socially. Frankly, that's enough for now.

2- Charlie: She's a peach. Super easy baby. My goal is to not neglect her in favour of Sammie. Charlie needs to be treated as an equally important and validated member of our family, not some after thought that pops up after we've addressed Sam needs. She needs some solid Mommy and Daddy time every day, no matter what else happens. And she needs her naps. Naps are critical, and need to not be treated as secondary to Sam's programming/social life.

3- Zita: I need to run. I really do. I need the release in a huge way. 3 times a week- it simply has to happen. End of story.  I'm also buying an elliptical which will let me burn off some steam every other day, but getting out of the house and going to the gym 3Xweek is about my mental health as much as my physical health.

4- Jason: My husband and I need to connect. In the midst of a very stressful, scary period in our lives, we need to turn to each other and rely on each other for support. To do that, we absolutely must be connected. I am bequeathing no less than one weekend night (Friday, Saturday or Sunday) to date night. If Sam is there, great- we can do family date night. If not, we actually have to commit to making ourselves do something new and interesting every week, together, as a couple. We have to make our marriage as much of a priority as our children, for their sake and for ours.

There. That's it. My revised goals for right now.

If my house is messy, so be it. It's officially off the priority list. Because as long as the four people on my list are taken care of, it doesn't matter where we live or how.

(That being said, I am hoping to reintegrate some cleaning goals by July, assuming things start to settle out with Sammie.)

Progress

Just wanted to update on how AWESOME my last goal has been going (all 3 or 4 days of implementation!) - this morning not only did Tara do all her morning chores, but in a matter of minutes we also were able to pick up all the clothes on her floor (which made a Toby-sized pile, and I wish I was exaggerating), sort them and put them away. Yesterday had a lesson in properly setting a table, and both kids helped Greg pick up and clean the basement in anticipation of our visitors.

I knew the kids would be happy to help out, I just didn't anticipate how FAST it would be WITH them, or how independent Tara would be with her chores - that I could give her just a couple of verbal cues and she could get the table ready and set while I finished up supper.

Next up will be a 2-parter in regards to the kids: downstairs chores, and a brainstormed list of what they can help with around the house (more for Greg and I to remind ourselves).

The downstairs "chores" are behaviors I'd like them to practice on a regular basis - putting dishes in the sink after meals or snacks, cleaning up toys at the end of the day, keeping the kitchen table clean (putting away coloring/crafts/etc. when done).

Some examples of how they can help include:

Tara:
Set the table
Wash the table
Sweep the kitchen
Fold and put away her laundry
Put away cutlery

Tobes:
Help sort laundry
Wash the table
Set the table
Wash the bench/chairs

It will be an ongoing brainstorm, but those are what come to mind right now!

I am NOT a Morning Person.

Which is kind of funny, given that for YEARS I was out of my bed by 5:30 every morning (or earlier) and had to be up and awake enough to do outrageously important things by 6:45. But someone else's schedule, as well as money are pretty great motivators to haul a$$ first thing in the morning.

Otherwise I don't want to leave my bed. It's a really awesome bed. I'm in it right now, actually. I have 4 pillows plus a body pillow, lots of comfy blankets, my computer, my iphone, and my tv. Who could ask for anything more?

My Insomniac's Cleaning Plan is still a work in progress. I've been getting up more and more and have been productive in those early hours, but more often than not lately I've been sending the kids downstairs to have breakfast (which hubby lays out for them before he leaves for work) while I snuggle in my warm bed for a little while more.

I'm hoping this week's goal will help with that.

I've been talking about getting the kids to help with more chores. Hubbyman and I have been talking about what that should look like - do we give an allowance to Tara based on her help around the house? (We've chosen not to at this point, though allowance is a whole other matter!) Do we come up with a schedule for them, or do we just keep a list of chores they CAN do, and ask them to help as applicable? (Schedule is winning out). How do we balance them cleaning their own stuff with help around the house?

Step 1 is going to be a basic routine I want us ALL to get into - morning chores. Once Tara starts school in the fall our mornings will need to be MUCH more structured as we move from afternoon kindergarten into full-day grade 1. I've drafted a chore chart for each of them to have in their rooms outlining what is expected of them before they come downstairs for breakfast. Tara will be easy and eager to complete, Tobes might be more difficult for a few reasons - 1) We have to help him out (which requires me actually getting out of bed EVERY morning when he wakes up), and 2) He wakes up STARVING in the mornings, and so to delay food even by 5 minutes will require an adjustment.

Tara's chore list is:
Wake up at 8:00 (a reminder of what time she can get out of bed. This will change in August, but let's cross that bridge when we get to it!)
Get Dressed
Make Bed
Put Away Books (from free-reading the night before - our library is communal in the hallway)
Pick Up 5 Toys (hopefully this can get removed at some point as her room gets more organized)

Toby's chore list is:
Go Potty (not a chore, but a reminder for US to put him on the potty FIRST THING)
Get Dressed
Make Bed
Put Away Books

These should each take no more than 10 minutes, hopefully! And it means no more rush to get dressed 2 minutes before we leave for a morning activity, and it means that I will start actually getting up with the kids (if not before) and be more productive myself. I've printed these lists off to put on Tara and Toby's magnetic chalkboards in their rooms. Both charts also have pictures on them to help illustrate their chores.

I'll check-in next week and update!

Week 1: Baby Steps

"With me, it's all or nothing...is it all or nothing with you?" - Oklahoma!

I hate, hate, hate to fail.

There is nothing in the world that I hate more.

And to be absolutely truthful, it doesn't happen often. Once I decide that I'm going to do something, I usually find a way to get it done. Call it a 'competitive edge', OCD, or just a sheer drive to accomplish, I strive on out performing myself at every opportunity I get.

For the most part, this trait has served me rather well. I've achieved great things, and sometimes it feels like I've lived three lives in my thirty-two years on the planet.

BUT...

I'm also prone to quitting.

If I can't do something 'right' (ie: perfectly) within an acceptable timeframe (ie: immediately), I lose my drive and decide that I don't want to do it anymore.

This is probably my worst quality.

Without my drive, I am genuinely incapable of following through with a project. I give up, often having barely even given myself a chance to learn how to do it properly.

I've been experiencing a whack load of drive issues lately, especially with my goals.

I'm starting to accept that I set too many goals for myself, too fast. I can't make the kind of dramatic life changes that I need to make overnight, and that means learning how to take baby steps.

I've been thinking about giving up on the whole thing: the blog, the cleaning goals, the fitness challenge, my new routine with the kids...just walk away and pretend I never started.

You can't fail at things if you never start them in the first place.

But I'm not going to do that. I'm going to force myself to confront this beast- my own fears and insecurities- and I'm going to teach myself how to work towards something, slowly but surely. 

There will be no overnight success. There will be no gold medal at the end. And it will never be perfect. (Truthfully, can anyone with two kids under 3 ever actually have a perfect house, routine or healthy lifestyle? I think not.)

BUT- I will feel better about myself because I will grow and accomplish things, one at a time. And I'll learn to breathe. And I'll learn that it's ok if I fall short on my goals once or twice, or even daily.

Every small step is a step in the right direction.

So take a deep breath, and get back to it.

Areas I'm rocking: I've been awesome about my activity levels- I'm running 3X per week, and am doing moderate activities like walking every day. I am also really getting a hang of the cleaning schedule. I'm making steps towards implementing my face to face and creative time with Sammie- he's been sick so hasn't been as easy to engage, and I'm also spending lots of quality time with Charlie.

Area I need to work on: More one on one with Sammie during the day time. I need to find a way to better balance my cleaning schedule with spending time with him.  Also, I'm not doing 'great' at the eating breakfast goal...I definitely need to work on that one.

TO DO LIST: 

• Print off and laminate daily schedules so I can track my progress
• Clean out the small vacuum cleaner so that I can do quick sweeps daily, and then one deep clean with the central vac per week. 
• Find time this weekend to clean the bedroom so that I have a "clean slate" to start with for next week. 

Little Guys Can Do Big Things Too...

I can't find the video for it, so instead I will substitute this one because 1) Pirates are awesome and 2) They're lazy, which isn't the same as procrastination, but still.



Also, isn't it ironic that I'm looking up Veggitales instead of writing this blog post? And I'm writing this blog post instead of watching more of my online conference (though to be fair, I've already watched 2 presentations tonight).

Back to the topic! Little Guys Can Do Big Things Too!

Tonight's blogpost is inspired by the fact that I am sitting on a HUGE treasure (see? Pirates!), and am in danger of losing it if I don't use it.

My kids LOVE chores.

They're at the age now where they LOVE to help out and it's a "treat" for them. My youngest adores helping with laundry (though it's hard when we have a top-loader. I miss our front-loader of our old house if only for that) and my oldest is almost 6, and can be very handy when I remember to use her! When I remember, they make their own beds, fold laundry (AND put them away), and clean up their toys. When I remember...

I've always had the problem of asking for help. It's easier for my brain to figure out how to get something from the top shelf, rather than ask someone taller. It's not an automatic thing for me to ask for help, and assigning chores seem to fall under that category. But I don't have the "luxury" of doing it myself. I need to teach my children to tidy, organize, and clean, even if I'm still learning myself. They need to learn to take care of their "homes" (rooms), just like I want to take care of mine. They need to learn to help out around the house, and help keep the house neat and tidy.

What it all will boil down to is chore charts. Just as I'm making one for Hubby and Me, the kids will each have one too. Both will have one in their rooms with words and pictures to guide them to get up, get dressed, make their beds, pick up all the books (from the night before - we have a communal library in the hallway), and pick up a number of clothes/toys/items, all before we head downstairs for breakfast. This will also mean I need be up as well (something I talked about before - getting up when I WAKE up), as it'll take some time before it's a habit for them. Of course, this might all change in the fall when my eldest starts full-day school, but let's not focus on that right now...

Then downstairs I can also make a list of daily things they can do around the house - fold laundry, put away toys, set the table, empty the dishwasher, clear the table after meals, etc. Still working on the details of how to assign the chores, or how to encourage them to complete them, but right now they're excited to help out around the house.

I'll report back as it progresses!

Treating my Temple with the respect it deserves

Your body is your temple.

I've heard that said many times.

And if it's true, then my temple sure doesn't get a lot of worship action. :P

I'm HORRIBLE at keeping care of myself. I always treat my own health and body as if it is my last priority.

I shower *if I have time*.

I never take the time to dress nicely or do my hair.

I seldom took the time to work out.

I only eat in between rushing off from one place to the next, and the stuff that I do eat is far too often a whole lot of junk. (Which is funny because I really prefer healthy foods, but never take the time to prepare them for myself.)

And I'll admit, I spend a lot of time "feeling like crap".

Maybe this is because I treat myself like crap.

Enough. It stops now.

Taking care of myself has to become a priority. I want to role model that health and personal pride is an important value for my children to have, and for that I need to live it.

So I've got some goals...baby steps, right?

1- I really want to run 10km by the end of the summer. I would like to do this in a reasonable amount of time. I've determined that 10km in 100 minutes seems relatively reasonable. To get there, I'm going to run 5km at least 3X per week. My running days are Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  If I miss a day, I will make it up if possible. On the off days, I will find a way to get at least 20 minutes of exercise, whether it be a walk, a bike ride, Zumba, or something equally fun. I will give myself one day off from this a week. :)

2- I really want to eat better. I'm going to start with a VERY basic goal, that I have a real problem maintaining: I WILL EAT BREAKFAST EVERY DAY. Non-negotiable. And I will do so within the first hour of waking up. Breakfast can  be anything from a smoothie to a piece of toast, but whatever it is, I must eat it. NO COFFEE BEFORE BREAKFAST.  That's going to be really, really hard for me.

There. That's a start. Trying to add anything on top of that would be too ambitious right now.

I will update again with my progress next week! :) Wish me luck, again ;)

Treating my Castle with the respect it deserves

I love my house. I really do. I've always been very proud of it- it may not be perfect or lavish, but it's pretty and well presented and reflect who I am as a person.

But lately, I haven't been so proud of my house.

Lately, I've been struggling just to keep on top of the cleaning. And a house is only "pretty" when it is clean.

I've learned to mellow out on this front a bit. Having kids inevitably conquers one's tendencies towards OCD...but lately I've been wondering if I haven't strayed too far away from my original standards.

I've never been a "neat freak" by any means- but presenting a tidy, clean and pretty living space to my friends and family was something I took great pride in (just don't look in my bedroom...that's been my mess-haven since I was a kid!).

Now, I find that I can never quite get the house to a point where I am proud to have people over. And that needs to change.

My castle is a reflection of me. It's time to find my pride of ownership again.

As such- I've started a goal for baby steps to get us into the habit of daily cleaning.  Every day, Jason and I will each do a nightly "chore"- each chore should take about 15 minutes or so (20 on the weekends).  I've set this schedule into our phones so that we get reminders of what our chore of the day is.

On top of that, we have 3 things that must get done every night before bed:

1- At least one load of laundry (which is determined by the day of the week)
2- Clean the kitchen, including cleaning off the table
3- Tidy up the small living room and the sitting room before bed.

In total, we should never have to spend more than 30 minute/day each doing actual housework if we stay on top of our plan. (Though it may take a little while to get us there since the house is already pretty behind on the cleaning and will require some extra catch up)

We're putting it in effect starting tomorrow- wish us luck! I'll be here to update next week.

I am GREAT at Setting Goals...

I just really suck at keeping them. I've even attempted to blog about my cleaning before, which has resulted in an almost-empty blog with close to one hundred half-written drafts known only to me. I even make up plans and timelines, and then those get so easily derailed. Partly because I'd rather craft and sew than cook and clean, and partly because I get easily... Ooo! Shiny!

But as my partner-in-crime, Sammie's Momma pointed out, it's better with friends! Here's hoping!

So the areas of my goals for this blog center around getting back on track with a few things, and most importantly sticking with them...

House - keep it clean, in part by making new cleaning schedules. We have been here for almost 2 years now and haven't updated our ones from our old house. Cleaning otherwise involves me cleaning what I prioritize, my husband cleaning what he prioritizes, and then once every few months one of us exploding because our priorities aren't the same. The kids can also get in on the action as well, and WANT to. I need to finish up their chore charts for their rooms. I also need to allow Hubs the time to work on his "honey-do" list, that grows by the day.

Kids/Schedules/Balance - It's getting better as they get older, but balancing out the needs of the one with the other is something I face daily. Most of the time the means of meeting the needs are flexible when they're not the same, but not always. I have little regret about how I've managed thus far, but every day can be a new challenge.

Me - I have some health/fitness goals I need to remember to schedule in as well. It's a vicious circle. When I have the time, I don't have the energy, and vice versa...

I think that's it for now... 

An Insomniac's Cleaning Plan...

I have insomnia. I've had it for years. And the worst part about my insomnia is that no matter how late I fall asleep, I also have an inner alarm clock. Almost to the minute, every morning, I wake up at 5:51AM. Sometimes it's because I need to go to the bathroom, sometimes it's because my son is awake, and sometimes it's just because my body is a jerk like that. It is very rare that I can ever sleep in. And even when I do, I've usually woken up at 5:51, watched some TV, and fallen back asleep.

My daughter is a late-riser, but my son is not. His usual wake-up time is around 7:30, which means that I have either *just* fallen back asleep, or am still making desperate attempts to. Either way, the results are usually along the lines of him waking up, me getting grumpy, him waking up my daughter, who is then also grumpy, me shooing them downstairs for breakfast (that my husband has already laid out for them - thanks Hubs!) and watching some TV while I make a last-ditch attempt at snoozing, which never works because my children are downstairs unattended and so I need to stay awake if anything were to happen.

Then I get up, and feel dozy and crappy the rest of the day. Whee.

Yesterday I decided to make a change. I got up. Not quite at 5:51 - I still dozed a little in bed, but shortly after my husband got up for work, so did I. I did laundry in peace and quiet, unpacked from one weekend adventure and starting packing for another, and watched some trashy (Real Housewives) TV, all before the kids woke up. It also helped amazingly that my son slept in half-an-hour.

That's about all I got done for the day, unfortunately - Tuesday is one of my crazy days, and I also ended up with a massive headache in the afternoon (hopefully unrelated to the early up-ness)... But at the very least stuff got done before that point. At the very least we have clean clothes to wear, and toothbrushes to bring along with us.

This morning started somewhat similarly, minus sleeping-in children. More laundry has gotten done, more packing has been done, and who knows - I might even sweep my floors!... Maybe ;) I've even had time to write this post, albeit rather sloppily (I'm not good at blogging). I complain to my husband that I only ever seem to have time to clean, or energy to clean, but not both. Hopefully using my early morning wake-up will let me catch a time when I actually do have both. And hopefully the headache from yesterday was just a one-time thing... ;)

Treating my children with the respect they deserve.

I'm a multi-tasker. Or at least I like to think that I am.

The truth is that I can be exceptionally good at balancing several plates, and even juggling a few balls while I'm at it. I have a special ability to split my focus between several different activities. I genuinely can watch a movie at the same time as I type, and completely recall what has been said and done while my attention was divided. I can have full conversation while scanning a textbook looking for a specific quote. And I can cook a five course meal by myself with multiple plates, burners, ovens, going simultaneously.

I was told this was a "gift" when I was younger.

These days it's been feeling a little more like a curse.

You see, when you're a "multi-tasker", you sometimes have a hard time slowly down and doing one activity at a time. You somehow feel like if you aren't doing two or three things at once that you are lagging and wasting valuable time that could be better used balancing five other plates. So you always make sure you have at least two or three things on the go at once, just to feel "productive".

The thing about multi-tasking is this: just because you can multi-task, doesn't mean you should.

First of all, you seldom do things quite as well if you are trying to do multiple things at once. Inevitably, something's gotta give and you usually wind up realizing that you could have performed your task more effectively if you had gone about it differently. But when you've got fifteen things on the go, you don't tend to take the time to evaluate your strategy and chart out a better course. If you stop, everything falls apart.

But the most important reason why multi-tasking isn't always the best course of action is simple: people don't like to feel "slotted in" to your schedule. Unsurprisingly, people like to have your full attention when you are spending time with them. They aren't crazy about you spending the entire conversation watching you chat on your computer, type on your cell phone, or clean your house. They want you to look at them, in the eye, and connect.

For the most part, I try to respect this. Where I fall short more often than not is with those I care about the most: my two amazing children.  Far too often I forget to put the computer, phone, mess, etc. out of my head and just focus on being with them, in the "now".

Every child deserves to feel like they are valuable and worth slowing down (even stopping!) for. And this is an area I absolutely need to focus on, even more so because of my son's unique developmental needs.  Sammie requires me to engage with him differently, and he absolutely needs me to NOT multi-task our time together. When we do activities, it is absolutely critical that I be focused in on him and helping him connect to me and to the world around him.

As an infant, Charlie is in her most important developmental stage. Little things like touch, eye contact, soft singing, etc send her neurological receptors into overdrive and help her create the pathways that will connect her brain for the rest of her life. That's kind of a big deal. So she needs some pretty serious one on one attention too.

I will be using an "activity template" to log my goals with my kids. (I haven't made one yet.) This may sound crazy to most who would say "why do you need a log to just "spend time" with your kids?".

The answer is simple and embarrassing: My brain works slightly differently too.  I there isn't a list, a template, a guideline, a tracking sheet, etc. I have a very hard time focusing on an activity and making myself do it. I need to be able to put a checklist, smiley face or sticker beside something to visualize it as being "DONE".  Then I can move on.  Sadly, yes, this includes spending time with people I care about.

I am a person who needs structure. It's not just a craving. It's a need, pure and simple.

So my starter subgoals for spending more quality and quantity time with my kids are:

Charlie

• At least 30 minutes a day of "floor time", doing face to face interactions including singing songs, massage, etc. 
• At least 30 minutes a day of "carry time", wearing her close to my heart and connecting with her physically. 
• Never starting another activity within the first five minutes of nursing her (reading a book, using my phone, watching a movie, etc.)
• Prioritizing naps when and where possible.

Sammie:

• At least 1 hour of gross motor activity per day
• At least 1 social activity per day (playing with peers, going to the store, going to a public play place)
• At least 3X 5 minutes of "face to face" activity, encouraging eye contact.
• At least 15 minutes of fine motor/creative learning (colouring, painting, beads, etc.)
• Introduce at least 3 new "ASL signs" a week and use them as often as possible. 
• Fill out his "Responsive Teaching" log daily (www.findingsammiesvoice.blogspot.ca)

Goals

We all have them...sort of.

I have a lot of them.

It's been said that "A goal is just a dream, with a timeline.".

And I used to believe it. It sounds true, doesn't it?

So I would think up my goal- what I wanted to accomplish- and I would set myself an end date- when it wanted it done by- and I would even set out some sort of strategy on how to get there.

And then I would stop.

I've always been good at the 'planning'. Not always so good at the 'realizing'.

So now I've learned that a goals is in fact a dream with a timeline...that has to be implemented and executed.

And that's an awful lot harder to do.

I have a lot of dreams. I'd like them to be goals. So I'm starting this blog to try to keep myself accountable. I'll be inviting others to join along if they want, as I firmly believe that we all have "projects" that could use a little extra attention.

As far as my goals go, the three areas I'll be focusing on are:

1. Treating my children with the respect they deserve. (Quality AND Quantity matter!)
2. Treating my castle with the respect it deserves. (Cleaning/Renos)
3. Treating my temple with the respect it deserves. (Fitness, Health)

I'll be attempting to log these three goals by breaking them down into smaller daily activities and subgoals. By keeping an ongoing log, I'm hoping to really set myself on fire and start accomplishing the things that are important to me. 

On your mark. Get set. Go!